Trainer Profile: Brad Pitt

Trainer Name: Brad Pitt aka "Ace Trainer Brad"

Found: On the beaches around Cinnabar Island, doing some modeling

Team: Ninetales, Machoke, Cubone

So what's your favorite Pokemon?

Definitely Floatzel. Their cool attitude and mainstream hair keep me on the know of the best trends in Pokemon. They also love the beach as much as I do. I often go tanning with wild Floatzel on the shores of Cinnabar. It's real low key.

Least favorite?

That one I always forget about... Shit, what's his name? He's like... out of shape and half-retarded...

Yeah, I know it sounds like I'm describing Slowpoke, but I'm not. Oh! Wobbuffet! 

Explain the reasoning behind your current team.

Ninetales for its elegance. Machoke for its strength and muscle definition. Cubone because he's a loner. My wife and I adopted him from an underprivileged Pokemon breeder and introduced him to a lifestyle completely alien to him which bares no cultural relevance to his ancestor's heritage. He loves it. 

If you weren't a Pokemon Trainer, what would you be doing?

Probably selling hard drugs. Like, tons of em. Only the hardest. 

Any tips for new trainers?

Rule number one, act cool. If you don't look cool out there on the battlefield, the media will eat you alive. They are always watching, waiting, interviewing, judging... never lose to them. They'll humiliate you and those you love.