Art Fair Follies

Above is an accurate portrayal of my attitude and expression during the recent Ann Arbor Art Fair. Working at my coffee shop in the eye of the storm, I saw a lot of real dumb shit. I've classified them as Pokemon sightings in order to complete your Pokedex.

Jynx: There are literally hundreds of this fool. Often wearing a really floppy sunhat, a white shirt with a graphic print that would suggest they have vacationed somewhere in our glorious state of Michigan, and a weathered pair of walking shoes. The conversation usually started with them not understanding what making a drink "iced" actually meant, or if I could make it "decaf" unless that was "too weird." The conversation always ended the same way. "Do you have any lids?" OF COURSE WE HAVE LIDS! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ANYWHERE BEFORE!? HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE LIDS!? IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR LIDS THEY ARE AT A CONDIMENT BAR! LIKE THEY ARE AT EVERY OTHER EATING ESTABLISHMENT EVER!

Munchlax: This little number stumbled in and ordered a smoothie. While a bother to make, I didn't mind since we weren't busy. So she follows me to the smoothie making station where she proceeds to talk to me while I'm running back and forth so I can't really hear her. The only comprehendible muttering I can hear is "yum!" when I add a new ingredient to the blender. Finally as I'm pouring it into the cup for her, she loses her cool and exclaims "Yummy in my tummy!" I then made a successful run away and cracked up in the kitchen area. I let the Munchlax get away, but probably for the best.

Unown: These weren't customers. These were actually just the shitty pieces of lawn-art-on-a-stick that each elderly couple had recently purchased. I can't wait to see how it really livens up their suburbia yards.

Dodrio: This rare breed ran all the way from Italy. First they argue about how many "spresso" and "gubuchino" they are getting, then proceed to fight over the bill while my line piles up. Typically I just grab whoever's money is the closest forcefully, and tell them "OK BYE" and start looking at the next customer. They aren't tipping either way, so fuck'em all.

Loudred: SOMEONE GET THESE SCREAMING CHILDREN OUT OF THE CAFE BEFORE I PUMP THEM SO FULL OF CAFFEINE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM FOR 48 HOURS STRAIGHT! NOT EVEN THEIR "POKEMEN" ON THEY "HAND BOYS" WILL BE ABLE TO DIVERT THEIR ATTENTION FROM A BOUNCY SOFA OR "THING THAT MAKES NOISE REAL LOUD."

/rant