Tuesday, April 10, 2012


While substitute teaching today at the local Pokemon Trainer School, I received a call on my Pokedex from my younger brother. As I was unable to answer the call he left me a frantic message that claimed "I've got big news to tell you about my Pokemon game." I didn't want to get my hopes up too much that he had finally caught a shiny Pokemon, but then I realized he's only called me once before in my entire life. This must be it.

And it was. A shiny Scraggy. I can only imagine his reaction was similar to the beautiful pure ecstasy that is "Shiny Pontya," thankfully not the horrific defeat that is "Lost Shiny Giritina." Naturally, I drove home to see this amazing feat with an all out haste to feast my eyes on this boy. And boy was I ever jealous. A great Pokemon to get shiny as well. Dark and Fighting that looks sweet? Fuck yes.

Monday, January 16, 2012

PokePolitics: Republican Canidates

The above are some key points on how the upcoming Republican candidates could effect your life as a Pokemon Trainer. Heed this information, Trainers! Me? I'd rather move to another country than have any of these twerps. What the name of the Digimon world? Like, Super-Techno Galaxy Town or something? Don't get in the way of me and my Jynx on Jynx battles and we'll be just fine.

Notice: In an effort to make myself post more often, I've decided to split the week up into types of stories. The Tuesday column titled "Pokepolitics" will have to do with current events in the Pokemon World. Monday's will be dedicated to

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Updating the Pokedex: Trubbish

So since I've received by Pokedex I've been working diligently to fill it up with the Pokemon local to me. It's resulted in many sleepless nights, frozen fingers, and throw-downs with the local law enforcement over what is, and what is not trespassing when it comes to jumping into a dumpster to track down Trubbish, or better yet a Garbodor. 

But my painstaking work recently paid off when I discovered the official "Trash Bag Pokemon" just outside my room. She was slow to escape the Pokedex's virtual fingers and thus I have my second Pokemon updated into the Dex (after Houndoom). With a terribly offensive vilification as to the sanitation conditions of my abode, my Pokedex buddy recited the updated contents as such: "Inhaling the gas they belch will make you sleep for a week. They prefer unsanitary places." Reminds me of my ex-wife. HEYOOOO!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

"Gotta Catch 'em All"

As the holidays wind down and we are left to the fruits of our family's and friend's material devotion to us joy seems to be at our finger tips. Whether it be a book, smartphone, car, or Raichu, its a generally entertaining month for all of us. But at some point we choose between the value of the longevity of the item or the value of a better model (in this case Electabuzz, obviously).

Four words, one of which shortened for the ease of fluidity, "Gotta Catch 'em All" has become the mindset of a generation. The joy of having the new Pokemon overpasses the sensation of companionship that comes with a plethora of experiences with a truly valuable friend. Why? Is the the decreased attention span of our society? Is the internet offering too many options that results in a high-stakes dilema with ever decision made? For me, choosing a career choice is insufferable based on the variety of passions I have and deciphering what makes me the happiest. Is it training Pokemon? Is it taking care of them? Is it studying them? Or is it going into Law so that I can eventually sue corporations like Team Rocket in order to protect the individual Pokemon trainers from theft and oppression by an ever-present scheming bully.

The possibilities are endless not just with careers, but with the Pokemon team choices. Is Lanturn the right guy for the job as a Water-Pokemon sweeper? But should he absorb water, or electricity? Should he learn a dark move or a ground move to fight it's weaknesses? Who knows!? A seemingly simple question becomes so convoluted with the access to the strategies of millions of other strategies. And at what point are you just repeating what the internet is telling you, rather than creating your own masterful team? At what point can I say, give me Snorlax or give me death? I think that time is now.

Snorlax, the perfect Pokemon, does what I dream to do. Eat and sleep in pure bliss. A life unhindered by technology, a vast amount of choices, or a family's expectations. "Nothing to eat? Well it looks like my day has been planned for me, I'll sleep. Internet you say? Can I eat it? No? Well then if you need me I'll be asleep in front of this door over here. Yeah, I know it's kind of a burden, but eventually someone will figure it out. At which point I will eat something before returning to my slumber." Ah, to be in simpler times.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Pokedex Technology

After a huge amount of development from Silph Co. a Pokedex has been released to the general public. I have been lucky enough to secure one on the day of our Lord and Savior's birthday, partly due to a recent graduation from the Eastern Kanto Pokemon University. I've been doing a lot of searching in the wintery valleys of my surroundings, and have come across a few rare Pokemon. This Houndoom was actually outside of its fiery element, taking a pup-nap against the cool background of the snowscape beyond. A rare find indeed. Tracy Sketchit would be proud.