Art Fair Follies

Above is an accurate portrayal of my attitude and expression during the recent Ann Arbor Art Fair. Working at my coffee shop in the eye of the storm, I saw a lot of real dumb shit. I've classified them as Pokemon sightings in order to complete your Pokedex.

Jynx: There are literally hundreds of this fool. Often wearing a really floppy sunhat, a white shirt with a graphic print that would suggest they have vacationed somewhere in our glorious state of Michigan, and a weathered pair of walking shoes. The conversation usually started with them not understanding what making a drink "iced" actually meant, or if I could make it "decaf" unless that was "too weird." The conversation always ended the same way. "Do you have any lids?" OF COURSE WE HAVE LIDS! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ANYWHERE BEFORE!? HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE LIDS!? IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR LIDS THEY ARE AT A CONDIMENT BAR! LIKE THEY ARE AT EVERY OTHER EATING ESTABLISHMENT EVER!

Munchlax: This little number stumbled in and ordered a smoothie. While a bother to make, I didn't mind since we weren't busy. So she follows me to the smoothie making station where she proceeds to talk to me while I'm running back and forth so I can't really hear her. The only comprehendible muttering I can hear is "yum!" when I add a new ingredient to the blender. Finally as I'm pouring it into the cup for her, she loses her cool and exclaims "Yummy in my tummy!" I then made a successful run away and cracked up in the kitchen area. I let the Munchlax get away, but probably for the best.

Unown: These weren't customers. These were actually just the shitty pieces of lawn-art-on-a-stick that each elderly couple had recently purchased. I can't wait to see how it really livens up their suburbia yards.

Dodrio: This rare breed ran all the way from Italy. First they argue about how many "spresso" and "gubuchino" they are getting, then proceed to fight over the bill while my line piles up. Typically I just grab whoever's money is the closest forcefully, and tell them "OK BYE" and start looking at the next customer. They aren't tipping either way, so fuck'em all.

Loudred: SOMEONE GET THESE SCREAMING CHILDREN OUT OF THE CAFE BEFORE I PUMP THEM SO FULL OF CAFFEINE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM FOR 48 HOURS STRAIGHT! NOT EVEN THEIR "POKEMEN" ON THEY "HAND BOYS" WILL BE ABLE TO DIVERT THEIR ATTENTION FROM A BOUNCY SOFA OR "THING THAT MAKES NOISE REAL LOUD."

/rant

I think I met the real Kadabra

Pokemon sighting as I was closing up my coffee shop the other night! The situation begins as I am trying to organize things as I get ready for closing time. First off, nobody payed attention to the fact that we were closing at 10pm instead of Midnight since classes hadn't started for most of the students yet so not many people were back. Typically I go around towards the end of night in hopes of getting all the dishes together, asking customers if they are done, and taking them to the back. So as I'm going around I come to a guy and a girl flirting and studying on the couches. They have a plate, glass, and spoon.

Me: Hey, were you done with that plate? (It's clearly empty so she's obviously done with it.)
Her: Yeah sure, thanks!
Me: Can I grab that stuff from you? (It's a spoon in a dixie cup, and a glass with a tea bag in it.)
Him: I'm still using it.
Me: Even the spoon?
Him: Yes.
Me: ... really?
Him: Yeah, sorry.

---Cut to what I should have said following this heart-filled apology---

Me: Fuck off, I'm taking this. There is no possible way you will use this spoon in the next 10 minutes. Go to hell.

--- Cut to post-analysis ---

My guess is that it was his item of power, and that without it his confidence ruined. Perhaps she would have seen what a pretentious fuck he actually was, if he didn't that that stupid spoon sitting in a dixie cup. I hope she blue-balled him that night. And not in a good way (Lure Ball).

What I've been listening to Vol I

If you haven't been listening to Ursaring v. Sharpedo (Bear vs Shark) lately, you should be. Nothing gets me pumped as much as listening to them at work. And god help me if you ask me to turn down Buses/No Buses. Probably one of my top 3 bands of all time (who knows what the others are). They broke up long ago, but some are back together and making more kickass music as Bars of Gold. I invite you over to my house if you want to be a hipster doofus with me and listen to their "Right Now You're in the Best of Hands..." on vinyl with the two exclusive tracks. If you don't have their music, here you go. BTW, chances are that if you come into the coffee shop with me working, you'll hear their music within 30 minutes of being there.

1653

Right Now You're in the Best of Hands...

Terrorstaraptor

Also, who would win? Ursaring obv.

This is how much coffee I drink.

This is an accurate portrayal of my mornings. Lately, the mornings have been shoving coffee in the faces of angry Pokefans, in town for a Beauty Contest. Most of them don't know a cappuccino from a cup for water, and for that I want to smash them. They also don't understand the practice of tipping. It must have been a foreign concept to them during their lives of large, Persian-filled homes and cushy office jobs at the top of Team Rocket/Magma/Aqua.

Tomorrow the Art Fair ends, god (Blastoise) will rid this city of it's infest by flooding (Hydro Pump-ing) the streets, and I will rejoice by slamming a Snorlax worth of beers.

Coffee Adventures

Sometimes, I try to make a Diglett in my cappuccino's at work. This is probably the best one I've made. Not great, but great for me.

In other news, I've started playing this Magic the Gathering game again. It's like Pokemon the Trading Card Game, but much more advanced and full of much nerdier people who play it seriously. Bring on the nerd hate.

Speaking of nerd hate, I got called out via Twitter for being a hipster that goes to Rick's. She's prolly just bitter because the bros there didn't want to Slap her Jiggly-puffs all night.

Coffee life

The last two days I've worked at the coffee shop by myself during the day, and it's been busy as sin. Besides the total of 1 hour i didn't have a line today, I made myself a soy mocha, and I made a Moltres with the foam. I did. Seriously. You see that? It's a Moltres so fuck off.

Last night at a house show with Algernon Cadwallader (the best), I swear to god I heard someone shout Snorlax in between songs. I really hope that happened. I think I've just decided that it did. My life is now complete.