Turtwig: A Chatroulette Adventure

I awoke late last night, to discover one of the famous starters had hacked into my computer and was surfing chartoulette trying to see "Tits or GTFO." His first encounter was with a trainer that was busy on his Pokedex looking up what exactly Turtwig was. Obviously a very rookie trainer, this man had to consult his dex for even the most basic of starter Pokemon. What an amateur. Turwtig promptly moved on.

Finally, after many strange men, Turtwig found an experienced trainer with a belt full of Pokemon. Jolteon was his favorite, but he also had Jigglypuff and the oh-so-rare Mewtwo. A heated battle ensued, in which Turtwig was able to come out victorious with a well placed Slam.

Turtwig's night ended with a strange encounter with a Pokemon that was like a Meowth, but more domesticated. It's Pokedex entry was unclear, perhaps one of the new Pokemon from Black and White? Perhaps a domesticated cat? Hard to say. The two apparently showed their best dance moves until Turtwig decided to next this furry feline. And if you were wondering, the new Chatroulette sucks. The interface is obscure, minimalist (in a bad way), and just overall very poorly designed. I probably won't do this much more.

On another note, I found a really neat article about the concept behind Turtwig and its evolutions. The story of the world being a flat disc on the back of a turtle is the inspiration for the species. Great read.

Back from Boston

Returned from Boston late Monday night. I was able to find a super-duper rare upgrade for the Bicycle in the Pokemon games. It is called the BenStillerycle. It goes super fast and constantly quotes Meet the Parents.

Also, we were being guided by a giant Pokeball most of the way.

Card Dog here, did in fact not have very many good cards. He liked Baseball. He referred to Magic the Gathering as "Magic the Game." YOU IDIOT!

Oh, and I also chatrouletted one of the nights, and a Stantler came on and did an amazing dance that I shall never forget. If you see this, lets hang out.

How not to chatroulette

Someone wrote a missed connection on the Ann Arbor craiglist about how she chatted online with this guy from U of M, and wants to chat more. This is a poor example of using the internet for two reasons.

1) All of the missed connections lately have been shit. Too much poetry and "This person will never know how I feel" mumbo-jumbo. I want to hear something like "Hey, I smashed into your car when I was parking last night. Instead of getting the insurance companies involved, lets just fuck." or "Hey, we battled at the Cerulean Gym and we locked eyes a couple times. Tell me what move you used to make me faint so I know it's you."

2) Chatroulette is not for meeting someone. Chatroulette is for looking like an asshole, at assholes being assholes. Don't step into that penis roulette expecting to find a meaningful conversation with the 15 yr. old or the dick-in-hand on the other side. Sure, a cute girl comes along every once and a while, but it's just like the internet to keep you away from getting the phone numbers of the girls that show their boobs on the internet.

Basically, fuck off missed connection girl. You're ruining the worldview of both missed connections and craigslist.

It's a simple request, show me your best pokemon face. (Chatroulette Night Two)

Another installment of my Chatroulette escapades, attempting to label myself as that weird guy that always has some awkward Pokemon request. I started with asking people to name a Pokemon, but there was no good catches. However, asking people to show me their Pokemon face provided eccentric rouletters the chance to freely express their frustration with a Pokemon-less society.

I really liked his Machoke impression.

An angry Pikachu? Shortly after this I think she was about to get caught on chatroulette by her mom/dad/aunt/teacher/abusive husband and put her screen down so all I saw was her mouse button.

Has to be a Mr. Mime....

It should be noted, I didn't even request a Pokemon face from this guy, but he knew exactly what I was there for.

Chatroulette night one

So I decided to go to chatroulette again, this time by myself, and see how mainstream it has become. Fortunately it's not quite facebook yet. Throughout my time of 2+ hours I saw probably around 50 penises, and 5 couples having sex (most of the time I was promptly nexted). However, I had some fun conversations with people by starting off every chat with "Name a pokemon so I know you're cool." This was a non-threatening, cool-indicator that people could take or leave at their own accord. The only restriction I had was that you couldn't say Pikachu. Oh yeah, nor Charizard. Charizard was a favorite for the bros. I should really compile this data.

This girl went on to say "Atleast I know kerby!" I replied with "*Kirby" and nexted her ass. I had a lot of fun conversations with people though. Someone said Snorlax had the best life cause he just hit bongs all day, and I kindly informed him that Snorlax has no time for bong-ripping with hit hectic sleep schedule.

I finished my night around 4:20 wazzaaaaaaap, talking to a girl from Switzerland. She told me about how she went to Florida and hated Sea World, and wasn't a vegetarian because the food they get is from a farmer's market with actual farmers with open fields. I informed her there was effectively no such thing in America. Overall, she was neutral to everything I had to say.